Monday, September 2, 2013

Plans: An Update on My Inny

I've never been a planner. That's no secret. Since I've been home, there seems to be some pressure (maybe it's just in my head) to have a plan. What now?

Well, my plan is to leave room for God to move. I plan to keep dreaming and keep taking risks. To live a story worth telling. And to trust that He is working in all things.

That said, the question I get the most often is about Innocent. How is he? Is he still coming? When? The truth is, I don't know. In a culture where everyone seems to have it all figured out, where people speak so boldly and passionately about personal feeling and beliefs, and others look on or read those beliefs as fact, I would like to say that I don't know.

Do I still love him more than life? Yes.
Do I miss him every day? Every second of every day.
Is he happy in Rwanda? Yes! It is his home.
Does he miss me? Duh. :)
Is America the best place for him? Maybe not.

It took me a long time to answer that last a way that I feel honors God. I used to think (not that long ago) that the best place for Inn to be was wherever I was. I loved him like no one else had and I dug in when no one else was willing. But the truth is, the best place for Inn to be is in the hands of God. He is there now. I am not Innocent's savior. I never will be. I am looking at this precious, little life through a peep hole and God sees the grand scheme of things. My love for Inn took me by surprise, I love him in a way I didn't even know I could, and I love him enough to put him first. To put his needs in front of my own. To understand that my way of life is different, not better.

So, I don't know. And I don't have to. Inn and I have such a beautiful story, we have come so far. Our very first meeting was an act of God and nothing since then has been any different. I know that He is here and my plan is to leave room for Him to move. Inny is no longer living in the orphanage. He is in a Christian boarding school, in his own country, and I talk to him often. He has some behavior issues. He has family. We both have a relationship with his extended family. He is in the third grade. And he is 14.

Me coming back home has prompted so many great conversations between he and I. He has a strong faith and he is learning every day to trust in that. Inn has seen me fight for him, he has seen God fight for him. And we have fought to the good fight. We pushed through barriers, kicked open closed doors, we have put in the time and we're not through yet. But now, we wait.

I guess I'd just like to say, maybe for the first time, that I don't think the "American Dream" is the only answer. I have some really sweet Rwandan friends living here in America and attending school. I think it is such a great opportunity, at the right time, and I truly do pray that one day that will become a part of Inn's story. I hope that Innocent comes and soaks it all in. I hope in takes all the best things, faith, freedom, family... And I hope he learns from the nasty things, greed, pride, the pursuit of self.... And I hope he takes all of those lessons home, to makes changes in Rwanda that I could only ever dream of. I have such a deep love for Rwanda, so many prayers wrapped around it's people, and it's certainly not that they would all move to America.

So that's the "plan". Thank y'all for letting me process through some "stuff".  I don't know how this is all supposed to go, I'm just trying to figure it out, and good or bad this seems to feel like the best way to do it.


Molly~ Specs & Wings said...

Thanks for sharing this today, I needed to hear it. God used your words to speak to me today and I'm so thankful. :)

tara said...

Molly, you are so sweet!! Thank you so much for reading! I am so thankful He is using this little story, even beyond us. :) xo

Wynne Elder said...

thanks for sharing tara. we could have a lot to talk about one day if we get to sit down and have coffee/hang out IN AMERICA! love you!

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