Sunday, January 15, 2012

One Dodo. One Hundred Posts. One Year.

So, guess what?!
This is my 100th blog post! 
And 5 days from now will be the one year anniversary of my very first blog post.
It was a stunner; you can read it here.
Or maybe this one.
Anyway, there are a bajillion things I could say about this last year, but I won't, that's why I started this blog in the first place. And that's what we've been doing here.
So, let me just say, I am so incredibly thankful and humbled and undeserving of this opportunity.
And I am so shocked that you have chosen to follow along with me and all my craziness.
Your encouraging words and constant prayers mean more than you will ever know.
So, thanks. A quadruple-cazillion-million.

I wrote the following as a guest post for a friend's blog a few months back.
I was still settling in. Looking for my place. Finding my purpose.

I'll let you read it and then I'll tell you what I think about it now:

Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing. 
(Psalm 5:1)

This one little verse has become such a great source or strength for me. When God called me out of my sweet, little life in America and plopped me in Rwanda I couldn't (and most days still can't) find the words. It is way too much, and far too little. Happiness and pain all wrapped into one big ball of uncertainty

I am no stranger to uncertainty. I suppose it's always been like a motto I live by. "I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow." It's not a problem for me. Actually, I think I've always felt like it was flaw I have. "If I could just be more organized. Be a list maker. A planner...." But I'm not. I thought maybe if I prayed harder or read my Bible more God could help me to overcome this. To use me.

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men. 
(1 Corinthians 12:4-6)

It is the sovereignty of God that gives us a sense of destiny. And it is the sense of destiny that helps us embrace the positive and negative uncertainties. For me, for whatever reason, it took being dragged all the way to Africa for me to see that uncertainty is not necessarily a bad thing. Faith embraces uncertainty

I love how Mark Batterson puts it in his book In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day.

Embrace relational uncertainty. It's called romance. 
Embrace spiritual uncertainty. It's called mystery. 
Embrace occupational uncertainty. It's called destiny.
 Embrace emotional uncertainty. It's called joy.
 Embrace intellectual uncertainty. It's called revelation.

So, it is uncertainty that keeps me in constant communication with the only One who can make sense of all of this. And maybe I don't need to know what's coming next because He knows. 

And, as it turns out, He doesn't need me to be organized or make lists or be a planner, because He is the ultimate Planner. And even when I can't put my uncertainty into words, He hears and translates my sighs. Maybe all I need to know is, flaws and all, He has a plan for me. Thank goodness.

So back to today:
This is my home. I know where I belong and I know what I'm supposed to do.
Everyday, He shows me little, tiny, glimpses of His Plan, the person that He created me to be, and the reason He called me here.
It's pretty big.

He didn't call me here because I needed a vacation or because He wanted me to chill out a bit, He called me here because He has work to do.
And work isn't always easy. And work isn't always fun.
But I trust Him, 100%, even though I have to remind myself everyday
Fifty-four times a day.

Some days I'm laughing, because I couldn't see until now what He knew all along.
"I trust You."
Some days, I'm gritting my teeth and saying it through tears.
"I trust You."

I. Trust. You.

So that's where I am today. 
Basically, the same, but drastically different, place I was a year ago.
A silly, scatter-brained, obedient, dodo heartbroken for His children.
That's all He needs.

My grace is sufficent for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
(2 Corinthians 12:9)

Thanks for hangin'.


1 comment:

Wynne Elder said...

amazing tara. love the work god has called you to in rwanda! thanks for the encouragement!

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